…to change the radio to a cooler station before you give the keys to the valet. …if your totally fantastic outfit is (sh!) basically just jeans and a tee. …not to write “happy birthday” on a friend’s wall if you’ll be texting, calling, and meeting her later. Enough is enough. …if you and your friends still give guys code names. Anyone seen Big Bend lately? …to pick your appetizer based on what’ll look coolest on Instagram. …if you stopped watching The Office a million years ago but are still a little wistful about not being married to Jim. …to make guacamole and face masks from the same batch of avocados. Skin care and a snack!
…to go to the new Twilight twice to see if you can spot the trouble brewing. …to unfollow your coworker, a.k.a The World’s Most Boring Tweeter. Yes, it’s #sooocoldoutside. It’s November. …to check your luggage when traveling. Some of us have needs that can’t fit in an overhead bin. …to be skeptical of any guy who signs his emails “XO.” …to commute in flats, only to get to work and change into…less comfortable flats. …to wait in the car when picking up your friend who owns the incredibly friendly crotch-sniffing dog. …to think Pandora sometimes might me more in touch with your feelings than you are.
…to spend every day this week dressing around your mani. …to let it go to voicemail and text them back. …to immediately google “pregnancy signs” anytime your period is three hours late. …to wear last night’s eyeliner to today’s meeting. …to believe that nagging your boyfriend isn’t nagging; it’s motivational speaking. …to be a teeny bit annoyed when a bazillion people send you birthday wishes on Facebook. Hallmark, anyone? Just one? …to slip and say “me too-I mean, thanks!” when someone tell you they like your outfit.
1. Dating a guy who, face it, you’ve never actually seen with his shirt on. 2. Trashy novels, now totally justifiable as “beach reads.” 3. Happily reducing your beauty routine to a ponytail, a pedicure, and a wax. 4. Using an ice cube as a sex toy. Brrr! 5. A really big, crazy-lady straw hat. 6. Blasting Katy Perry in your car loud enough to get stares. 7. Shimmer. Everywhere. 8. “Baby, your’e such a good griller. You cook tonight.” 9. A shopping list that reads: yogurt, fruit, Corona. 10. Going just a little blonder than you should. 11. Frizz, sweat, bug bites, peeling. Whatever, you still look hotter than you did in January.
1. DO have fun and be funny. Twitter is a great forum for punchy jokes. 2. DON’T overshare. Nobody wants a newsletter announcing when you’re on your period. 3. DO follow the stars you’d want to be friends with, the newspapers you read, the designers you wear and the websites you get great deals from. It’s the most in-the-know way to be in the know. 4. DON’T bitch about work. 5. DO play nice. This is a public forum, so don’t say anything you wouldn’t say to someone’s face-or to a TV camera. 6. DON’T exceed the tolerable four-tweets-a-day limit. 7. DO take this chance to chat directly with your favorite celebs and authors. Sometimes they’ll even tweet you back! 8. DON’T send anyone a picture of your private parts. Ever. 9. DO use Twitter to its full potential. It’ been the breeding ground for books, TV shows and political revolutions. You decide what’s next.